Not Cancer

"Not Cancer" is the second episode of the fifth season of House and the eighty-eighth episode overall. It aired on Fox on September 23, 2008.

Two women are playing tennis when one of them collapses, clutching at her chest. On a construction site, a crane worker dies in his seat. A fighter dies in the middle of a MMA match. A tuba instructor starts coughing up blood in the middle of a lesson and expires. Thirteen interrupts a college class to confirm the math instructor, Apple, had a corneal transplant five years ago, then informs her that four other people who received a transplant from the same donor died.

Apple is taken to the hospital where they determine four of the victims are dead and one more, an elderly man named Frank, is on the verge of death. The team is unable to determine a common denominator and House is more concerned about Wilson's absence. Finally House goes with a diagnosis of cancer and orders them to run more tests. He then approaches Dr. O'Shea as a possible Wilson-replacement. Foreman arrives to inform House that Apple's eye is failing and they have to remove it. She had taken an eye test and had gotten it wildly wrong, but did not squint. House then states that her eye thinks it is fine, but that eyes do not think, but only brains. He then states that it is too late to remove her eye, and instead has to remove her head, as he brandishes a giant meat cleaver. As he swings the meat cleaver towards her, Apple starts screaming.

However it's soon revealed that this is nothing more than Apple's imagination and back in reality, House realizes that Apple is hallucinating.

House reviews a video of the kickboxer looking for signs of brain damage. The coffee machine repairman interrupts to berate Taub and Thirteen for being idiots. They conclude he's a private investigator and House admits hiring him. House is impressed at his thoroughness.

They need to do a brain biopsy and appeal to Frank's wife for approval. Taub reluctantly tells Frank's wife the truth. The wife refuses to allow the procedure. Frank suddenly stops breathing and dies despite Taub's efforts. They determine Frank's brain is clean and House still suspects cancer. Kutner suggests a perforated intestine and bacterial infection that spread through the blood and infected all the organs.

House se reúne con Lucas, quien supone que House quiere contratarlo para que examine a Wilson. House pregunta si hay algo, y Lucas admite que no. House regresa al hospital, donde Kutner y Foreman le informan que la colonoscopia resultó negativa. House sigue creyendo en el cáncer y Kutner sugiere que utilicen un chorro de agua a alta presión para aplicar presión en el colon de Frank. No hay fugas, pero Foreman detecta lo que parece ser una lesión central.

El corazón de Apple comienza a latir con fuerza, pero no hay indicios de que tenga una fuga de colon. El equipo no tiene novedades y House ordena quimioterapia para el cáncer que sospecha que padece. Va a su habitación y activa una emergencia al no encontrar el historial médico en la cama de Apple. Luego le pide a Apple que firme un formulario de consentimiento para recibir quimioterapia . Mientras firma, Apple comenta que era arquitecta, pero que dejó la profesión tras su trasplante de córnea. Apple observa que House no parece muy diferente, y él le dice que al menos él no se ha rendido.

Lucas le dice a House que Wilson tiene un nuevo trabajo. Señala a una mujer a la que está siguiendo porque le gusta, y luego le informa a House que Wilson está asistiendo a terapia de duelo y que Cameron y Cuddy han estado en su casa varias veces. Lucas comienza a seguir a la chica y House tiene que seguirlo. La chica finalmente los confronta y les dice que la están incomodando. Después de que ella se va, Lucas nota que Wilson no ha dicho nada sobre House. House recibe una llamada y se dirige al hospital donde Apple está vomitando por la quimioterapia, pero su sistema se está estabilizando. Foreman se sorprende de que House tuviera razón, pero House concluye que no es cáncer.

De vuelta en el diagnóstico diferencial, House comenta que nunca pensó que fuera cáncer, pero sí que actuaba como tal. Ahora quiere encontrar algo similar y recuerda que el último paciente usaba metotrexato para su artritis, que supuestamente también habría tratado cualquier cáncer. Va a ver a Wilson y le pide una revelación, queriendo intercambiar ideas con él. Wilson intenta ignorarlo y House le pregunta cómo está. Wilson le ruega que no lo haga para poder seguir adelante, y House lo acusa de hablar con los demás. House admite que contrató a un detective privado para vigilar a Wilson porque ya no son amigos, y luego intenta convencerlo de que ayude con un diagnóstico. Wilson se niega a participar y advierte que no abrirá la puerta la próxima vez que House llame.

Lucas is outside and tries to advise House on friendship, and inadvertently gives House a new way to think about a possible diagnosis. House goes to see Cuddy and shows her Apple's CAT scan. It indicates something is in there that her brain is not compensating for. House believes that the donor had cancer stem cells spread in his organs, and when transplanted these spread and attached themselves to the recipients' various organs, which eventually stopped working. He wants to open up Apple's skull before it's too late for her, and Cuddy wonders if House is going to do something to make Apple crash prematurely. She puts security guards on Apple's room, so House convinces Lucas to disguise himself as a nurse and replace Apple's IV meds with a saline solution. She crashes and is taken into surgery where they have to open up her skull. House suggests from the observation deck that they check her IV. Chase suddenly realizes that House had somehow had the IV switched, triggering the operation by deception. Chase wants to abort the operation, but House observes that they've already completed the most dangerous procedure, so they might as well continue. Lucas comes into the observation gallery and is alarmed that the patient whose IV he had switched is undergoing such a serious operation. House explains that he is a better liar than Lucas. Meanwhile, the doctors finish the operation, using a neural net on Apple's brain to detect and remove defective brain cells.

Later, House goes to visit Apple and explains that the world is ugly but not as ugly as she thought. Her brain was not working properly and the transplanted brain cells were making things dull and unattractive to her. He takes off the bandages over her eyes and Apple sees the world with normal vision. House asks "How do I look?", and she responds "You look sad."

House is in his office and calls to ask Lucas if he would work on retainer.

"Not Cancer" garnered positive reviews from critics. Zack Handlen of The A.V. Club gave this episode an A− rating,^[1] while James Chamberlin of IGN awarded the episode 8.6/10.^[2]

• "Not Cancer" at IMDb